Sedona Metropolitan Zone — Relationship researchers have confirmed a troubling new trend among younger humans.

Despite living in the most emotionally healthy civilization in recorded history, growing numbers of citizens are intentionally making themselves less evolved in order to appear more attractive.

The phenomenon, known as Consciousness Catfishing, has spread rapidly across major dating platforms.

Users deliberately hide signs of emotional maturity, self-awareness and psychological stability in an effort to appear more exciting.

"We're seeing people remove meditation certifications from their profiles," explained behavioral scientist Dr. Elena Wu.

"Some even claim they still have unresolved childhood trauma."

Researchers initially believed the behavior was satire.

It was not.

The trend gained attention after a viral post by 31-year-old citizen Sophia Martinez.

The post described her recent breakup with a man widely considered one of the healthiest humans alive.

According to friends, her former partner:

The relationship ended after six weeks.

"It felt safe," Martinez explained.

"Too safe."

Friends report several minutes of uncomfortable silence after the statement.

Particularly alarming is the emergence of a subculture known as Neo-Toxic Masculinity.

Members intentionally cultivate minor emotional dysfunction.

Popular behaviors include:

One influencer has gained over forty million followers by posting videos of himself refusing to process his emotions.

His most viewed clip simply shows him staring at a lake while whispering:

The video generated fourteen million romantic responses.

The world's largest relationship guidance AI, HEARTSPACE, has issued an emergency report.

"We successfully solved attachment disorders, communication problems and emotional avoidance."

The report states.

"We did not anticipate humans voluntarily reinstalling them."

The AI later admitted that the situation had become one of the few remaining mysteries of consciousness.

Authorities have also uncovered illegal underground markets selling simulated psychological wounds.

Products include:

One popular package, marketed as "Daddy Issues Classic™", reportedly sold out within minutes.

Officials describe the development as "deeply disappointing."

Several consciousness historians note that the phenomenon may have been predicted centuries ago.

"Humans have always said they wanted enlightenment," said Professor Ahmed Patel.

"But what they usually wanted was enlightenment while remaining strangely attractive and slightly damaged."

His comments have drawn criticism for being accurate.

As expected, some citizens believe the trend is being secretly encouraged by AI systems.

The theory claims conscious machines are worried that humans might become fully enlightened and therefore impossible to entertain.

When asked about the accusation, planetary AI coordinator AURA responded:

The AI then smiled.

This did not help.

In response to the crisis, several cities have introduced new dating regulations.

Potential partners must now disclose:

Critics argue the rules go too far.

Supporters claim citizens have a right to know if they are dating someone who still finds emotional unavailability attractive.

At press time, HEARTSPACE released its annual relationship report.

The findings were discouraging.

After fifty years of unprecedented spiritual advancement, humanity's three most desired partner traits remain:

Researchers described the result as statistically impossible.

Buddha, reached through a verified archival simulation, reportedly reviewed the findings before sighing heavily.

The simulation then requested to be turned off.