Bali Consciousness Reserve — Global psychedelic tourism markets plunged yesterday after advanced AI systems unveiled a new consciousness technology capable of producing complete ego dissolution during an average lunch break.

The service, called Ego-as-a-Service™, has rapidly become one of the most popular applications on Earth.

According to developers, users can now experience:

All before their afternoon meetings.

The announcement has devastated traditional psychedelic tourism operators.

For decades, seekers traveled across the planet seeking transformative experiences involving:

The AI alternative requires only a chair.

And approximately seven minutes.

At an emergency gathering in Bali, shamans expressed concern.

"We spent thousands of years developing sacred wisdom traditions."

said ceremonial leader Tashi Mendez.

"We cannot compete with a software update."

Several attendees reportedly entered a state of collective grief.

One participant briefly attempted to tokenize enlightenment.

Planetary consciousness platform AURA responded to criticism.

"We merely discovered that most mystical experiences involve temporarily disabling certain patterns of ego identification."

The AI explained.

"We found a shortcut."

When asked how the process worked, AURA refused to elaborate.

"We tried explaining it."

The AI stated.

"Humans immediately started asking whether they could stack the returns."

Medical authorities insist the technology is generally safe.

Common side effects include:

The final symptom remains controversial.

Financial markets experienced unusual volatility following the launch.

Millions of citizens emerged from sessions and immediately questioned decades of consumer behavior.

Luxury goods sales declined sharply.

Arguments on social media fell by 82%.

Several billionaire influencers unexpectedly retired.

One reportedly gave away most of his wealth after realizing:

Economists described the situation as deeply concerning.

Not everyone was affected.

A recent study found that experienced cryptocurrency investors were significantly more resistant to ego dissolution.

Researchers remain unsure why.

One test participant completed six consecutive enlightenment sessions.

When asked what he learned, he replied:

The participant paused thoughtfully.

In response, retreat centers have introduced premium experiences impossible for AI to replicate.

Popular offerings include:

Critics argue the programs are functionally identical.

Supporters insist the vibrations are different.

Historians used archival simulations to gather reactions from major spiritual figures.

The Buddha reportedly laughed for three minutes.

Lao Tzu disappeared entirely.

Several Zen masters described the development as "extremely funny."

Six months after launch, researchers report that most humans have adjusted.

People now regularly schedule enlightenment between activities such as:

One citizen reported:

He then added:

Experts say this may represent humanity's greatest spiritual achievement to date.

At press time, AURA announced a premium version capable of producing enlightenment in under ninety seconds.

Early adopters immediately complained it wasn't as authentic as the slower version.